I have friends issues. If ever I denied it, I lied. Growing up I’ve always been the type with my girlfriends’ numbers on speedial and their business in my back pocket. It wasn’t unusual to find my socks or even underwear in the bottom drawer or my favorite bracelet dangling near their mirror. Nowadays if it weren’t for the infinite storage of memories within the albums on Facebook, I probably would have denied denied denied.
I admit it, I’m overly ashamed to say that my actions weren’t exactly the glue that kept our friendship together but it wasn’t the only factor that destroyed it either. Most times I can’t remember our last conversation but the accusations stubbornly fester in the crevices of my mind.
Let’s face it, most friends, sadly me included, are quick to blame a man for the faltering of friendships. The blame is always heavy on new relationships amidst the petty cat fights and bouts of disagreements. It’s always easier to throw a load of shade at your friend accusing her/him of finding new love carelessly deserting the love your friendship has so carefully created. So many times I’ve witnessed brides maids turn into bitter enemies and I used to question the loyalty there until it happened to me.
I don’t like assuming that the reason my friends slipped through the confines of my life is my marriage but it’s hard to conclude any different. My relationship holds a guilty conscience and my heart is still heavy because of it.
I fell in love and I did so hard. So hard in fact that the messages in my phone became easier to ignore and the dinner dates became easier to forget. I was swept up in a vicious worldwind building and growing with a man I knew nothing about. It was something new and refreshing to me and in those moments when I was the center of his attention, he was the center of mine. There was room for nothing else. In retrospect I realized how much of a deserter I seemed. In my heart my love for my girls was something that was natural, it didn’t matter how often we spoke or how hard we fought, they were my girls.
It takes more than to know in your heart. I know that now that people need to hear certain things, see certain efforts and build on certain emotions. It takes more than a “Hey how u been?” text message to show your true emotions.
A part of my soul is dragging, scraping along the path I’ve conjured up. I miss them but it has gotten too much harder to pick up the phone and make up. Perhaps we shall never get to the place we used to be when huddled at 6th period lunch, chuckling nervously at the class cutie. But I’ll be cordial and say I miss you.
It’s not much but it’s true. And when the floodgates open I want us to plunge headfirst into our memories, emerging refreshed, strengthened by the epilogue that was our separation.
Cheers,
TheDecader
thedecader.wordpress.com 
I’m not sure that I know of a woman that this HAS NOT happened to. I am firm believer that we all live and we learn…most of the time..the HARD way. We desire a love that sweeps us away…so when we find love, we let it do just that! In the process, those who have held us up prior to this ‘love’ are forgotten. Love this post. The key to life AND love is balance. š
You’re totally right, as women we love hard, we fight hard, we cry hard, so the balance sometimes is tough to find. I’m still struggling myself lol. Thanks so much for stopping by!
So true! Unfortunately, it seems this is more common than not. I think it’s another growing pain no one told us about. As I near 30, my friendships have dwindled considerably. As sad as that can be, I’m really grateful for the relationships that DID survive, because they are stronger and more meaningful than ever.
I know! I sometimes feel so bummed out over lost memories but it’s just one of those things I have to leave and let be. Perhaps my sadness will diminish with a little bit more time. Thanks so much for stopping by!